Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Mani of Machine on Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:25 pm

But that seems like I am doing more good in the long run.

I want to stay neutral, because everything needs balance.

Btw, I remember that quote that's in your signature nouq. I saw that show before. (I can read it O.o)
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:16 pm

O.O you did? Sweet! I forget what its called...i'd have to look it up again lol

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by abbachoochee on Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:50 pm

Hmmmm...For chapter 3, maybe there needs to be a longer description of action. All of us in the dungeon prolly have trans. You could use that. At least me and my dragon blade was win until I was tired :3
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Wed Aug 24, 2011 10:07 pm

I understand that, but I know that if I have too long of a battle scene, it will get boring. Its happened to me before, so I thought it was best that I focus on one person more and their own battle experience, rather than all 5. If i had all 5 i believe it would have dragged out too long. I'll play around with it next time, and see how it works. The second reason it was short is that i think suck at battle scenes...so yea Razz

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Yazmine on Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:00 am

chapter 3 was good , man if this was in-game i would of used demi and blew up the giant goblin leader. but yea this remind me of that one time in karu when we did that statue thing, and we all died cause it was so hard. ah yea good times
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Mani of Machine on Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:57 am

I think that you should make the goblins want to team up with you to kill a stronger enemy, so then they can reach their goals.

And then one of the guild members pops in and wipes out the goblins, making a huge mistake that will be regretted in the later chapters.

And I will show up to warn you guys about a new threat. I think that's how it should go.

But that's just my opinion, use it or not, it's up to the writer.
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Thu Aug 25, 2011 4:55 am

First point, I have thought of so it might be going in. Second point, I didn't think of that, so I'll put some thought into it. Third point, I'm thinking that would work, seeing as you should get into the story lol.
Oh and Yaz...the reason you didn't demi...was because I forgot about it Razz. But still, take into consideration this Yaz, the 5 just ran a long and hard dungeon, with extra powerful skeletons. While they had a little break in that walk, in real life, pain still is felt for quite a long time. Fatigue also stays with ya, so when they went into a room full of goblins, with high attack power, it just drained you out too fast. You had no time to demi xD....but I'll definitly remember next time! LOL
Thanks, I like the ideas! Keep em coming, I'll keep writing.

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Yazmine on Thu Aug 25, 2011 9:35 pm

i was really just joking plus it would be to early to add in a power like that , well i think so anyway. but um will people die in this story
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Littlemouse on Thu Aug 25, 2011 9:49 pm

Just got done reading chapter three! I have to say Nou, I liked the twist of ditching you to save our own skins. (Even if that's not what you meant, Bwahaha.) Oh and sorry for commenting on the wrong thingy before.
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Thu Aug 25, 2011 11:35 pm

Haha mousy, of course I would sacrifice myself to save you guys Razz. If you go back to chapter 2, you may find out why I was left in danger, and you guys are safe. But, I am glad you like the twist.
Working on Chapter 4 currently, hopefully it'll be done soon and be out.
Also, dont be sorry, I didn't post last time about it. As my bball coach always said: Dont be sorry, just dont do it again. Very Happy

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Mani of Machine on Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:48 am

It's been a while since anything happened. owo
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Sun Aug 28, 2011 10:58 pm

Okay first...to yaz. Death is REAL in the story. One life, one death. Will people die....possibly, possibly not. I'll see.
Flame, Sorry. I have been busy the past few days only able to write a few paragraphs. I will continue tonight and hopefully post it up tomorrow sometime.
I apologize for the delay.

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Littlemouse on Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:09 pm

Woot we're preparing for war in the castle~! Poor little Nou, I wonder if those goblins smell funny. Well, keep up the good work and lets see some butt kicking soon Very Happy
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Yazmine on Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:33 pm

OMG war wow i like this chapter. its so interesting. Noooo cant wait till chapter 5. lol i like that part where i go where is clowny lol i say that all the time in game. That made me laugh in rl. lol!
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Mon Aug 29, 2011 10:57 pm

I wonder that too Mousy...thanks to you and Yaz too! Haha Yaz im glad you like it...this chapter was kinda interesting to write since i didn't go into my own thoughts, it was just the others. Lol and im glad you liked the comment about clowny xD.
Well, Chapter 5 may be a bit different from expected...but we'll see. Very Happy

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Mani of Machine on Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:19 pm

You accidentally my idea.

Confusion for me:
Flameshot = he?
Flame talks without entering the room?
Flame is suppose to be a lazy mage, he gets his info from unknown sources, he doesn't take care of things that's told to do. He WATCHES what happens, he doesn't do anything to help people. Basically, the one guy that everyone hates but tends to show up at certain important events. This is based on the way I act in the game, by the way.

Oh well, one's knowledge are limited by one's point of view, just do your best on making a successful story. I think I am complaining, am I?
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:48 pm

Yes. That is a complaint lol. Anyways..your character is not how imagined...so its kinda hard. I can't seem to put him well into the story by what you describe. So i'll try this. Flameshot and Flame are twins. Flameshot is the good one, that finds useful info to help the guild, however, still doesn't show up often. Flame however, is the lazy one, and the one you described up there. That may be easier for me. I'll work at it on the next one where you appear. Hopefully it'll be better

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by abbachoochee on Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:48 am

I can't wait to see what happens next Very Happy
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Yazmine on Sun Sep 11, 2011 7:36 pm

D: lol if we get attacked in the waterways , protect the children D:
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Littlemouse on Sun Sep 11, 2011 8:12 pm

I guess the chapter's a bit longer then the others so that's good! It's interesting that you included the townsfolk in the retreat, I always forget about them. Whoops? And by waterways did you mean like... Sewer system. I'd rather take my chances with the army of fomors then walk around in a smelly sewer.
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:35 am

I'm sure the children will be safe Yaz lol. Im not mean enough to hurt them like that.
Mousy lets the townsfolk die >.>, <.<. Waterways...yeah i guess you could say sewer, but waterway sounds cleaner, and I like it more. And if wanted you to take a chance with the fomors, I would have had you fight them instead of Yaz and Khayy LOL. Anyways, thanks for the reviews! Hopefully I can get the next chapter soon.

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Mani of Machine on Thu Sep 15, 2011 5:44 pm

Seems like someone likes little kids.

I find it interesting how the story's main protagonist(if there was SUPPOSE to be one) isn't showing very often.

I think my main shouldn't show up for another 3 chapters, that's how side characters are suppose to be. I don't want to feel that important due to certain reasons that I will not tell anyone unless they ask.
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:03 pm

You wont show up for a while...(and I also forgot which is your main lol), but yeah, your characters won't show up often since you dont want it too.
I have no idea if I wanted a main protagonist or not, I just went on writing. And actually, its more fun to write of others then myself. But yeah...he'll show up next chapter xD

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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by abbachoochee on Tue Sep 20, 2011 2:25 am

Do you think you will have an important protagonist die in the story? I think it would make the story better if you did, but you should make sure that the death would have a big impact on both the reader and the story. Also, you should make sure that it is okay with whoever is going to die privately so no spoilers. albino
It ish awesome so phar.
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Re: Thoughts, Opinions, Reviews of the Story

Post by Guest on Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:30 pm

Ah death...I, actually, do not know. Because once you die...theres no coming back, like in the game. To kick you out of the story...hm...idk. Unless I think of a miraculous way to revive you lol. But I dont know. I'll see as time hops along...
As for my update, Im on Chapter 6 right now, working at it. Hopefully be out by the end of this week

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